Guilt

I have been living in the comfort of my inheritance. I've not been working to bear my own expenses, as I've been eating, living, lazing and idling at the expense of my mother's money...
The fruits of my mother's labour. The culmination of the hard work which she put in everyday...

Ever since I lost the LKCSP, I've been a bitter man. I've hated SMU and Singapore for its political positions and all the stereotypical thoughts connected with it. I lost it in Nov 2006, and it has been more than two and a half years. Yet, I still hold angry and selfish thoughts towards it. I'm angry at how afraid these "scholars" and "intelligent people" are, how I should be given a better chance because I know that I'm better and wiser than them...

I've been dreaming more than doing. I was afraid that being in SMU for 4 yrs studying for two degrees was going to rob me of it. I quarrelled with Prof Ong Siow Heng over the scholars' behaviors. I can't even remember what happened exactly...

After losing the scholarship, I wanted to get out of the country to study in another place where I could express myself without having to worry about what other people think. I keep thinking that my dad wanted to keep me back in the country. I hate this country and the possible agenda of the govt.

Everyday, I see everyone working hard and I'm not working as hard as I should. The roadsweeper, restaurant assistants, noodle seller, students, office workers...