i guess many atimes when i couldnt focus on my school work or a book, any book, was because i had worries at the back of my mind. money problems, loneliness, reminding myself of the rejection from her, and again those fear of failures n setbacks.
i need to get into the state of being worry-free from these problems. i can either:
1. visualize these problems, turn the movies/ pictures down and throwing them away into a million pieces.
2. take steps to solve them now.
when i got rejected by her, i more or less got a feeling that right now it wasnt possible, for her anyway. days after, my mind got into a state of envy bearing those memories n fantasies of being with her. these things arent true, and will only serve to hurt me in the future when she rejects me time n again, if she does. i have to move on, deanchor my romantic feelings from her face n name. i know that there will always be a part that admires her and yearns for her close presence, but for now, i will have to put these familiar romantic feelings of three years away.
lord, who will my pillar of strength be? when will i meet her? its tough being physically n emotionally alone.
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