upon waking up today, i found myself hugging my bolster tightly. i was excited to get out of bed to go play my favourite things and learn new stuff today, but something held me back.
i hugged the bolster tighter and sunk in my pillow to feel its warmth.
i realized that i missed hugging someone i love. its been a while. i used to hug and kiss my mom every night. kissing someone you love must be a really magical feeling, kinda forgot how it feels. i have truly missed feeling the warmth of being loved by another being. especially the physical bit.
looking at the person i love, smiling from her (ok him too!) heart, knowing that she's all right, also keeps my heart warm.
we were born in love, warm love. we were bred and grown in warm love and as adults need to be kept in warm love too!
i think pornstars and adulterers are really lonely people, having to have casual sex so much to keep giving themselves the temporary feeling of escaping from loneliness. the cash is just an excuse.
thus, presently as an independent bachelor, i have yet to find that special someone whom i can love and feel especially loved to.
so by right, not being able to hug, kiss, feel the warm touch and see the warm smile of someone i love would tear me apart everyday right?
the fact is that the loneliness has been trampling all over my life, keeping me from my exciting work and objectives everyday, distracting me from what i truly love. all this while, since NS, i've indulged in short-term pleasures like sleeping excessively, masturbation and excessive shows to get escape only to feel it again a short time later.
thus, instead of following my study and work plan today, i've decided to sacrifice today's time resource for that to deal with this once and for all, otherwise my life will be taken over by giving in to lust and wasting time to small temporary pleasures.
i wanted to connect loneliness to my purpose in striving to be a billionaire Valedictorian. i was reminded by naruto and dr chiang that the most powerful poeple in this world did not attain their wealth today because they wanted it for themselves, but for one thing: LOVE. for the things we love, for the people we love.
i understand partially that Warren Buffet truly loved investing, which brought him his success, but i'm sure he wanted to gain all the wealth for someone. probably as he has revealed that he intended to donate $30 billion to help in health area for the poor. (hah! i'm gonna donate more than that! and i'm gonna make sure my $ is used the right way!)
i have always known that the Lord is with me. so, y can't i feel the warmth from Him, and instead have to resort to hugging my pillow and masturbating?
the answer lies in my purpose for what i'm doing how. in ngee ann, all the ADs i got was for myself. i was so focused on breaking the belief that i wasn't one of the people who couldn't enter the U that i forgot about my existing loneliness: i missed my mom.
the few actions i took was to go to her house on weekends and even then, was focused on my video games to escape uselessly from school stress. i called her sometimes and visited her office but i didn't do anything to strive for what i really wanted: to live with her.
i allowed my fear of my dad not supporting me financially and the silly inconvienience that my school was far away from Woodlands. so what? to spend time with someone i can relate to is so much more worth it than to stay in an apartment not being able to speak heart-to-heart with someone i know (thank goodness for kevin the brat to release some of my stress sometimes).
now, cos' of the goodness of animes, cartoons and dr chiang, i finally understand today about the purpose for Power. if i strive it for myself, then i wouldnt be motivated so much into doing it cos' frankly, i think my life is pretty stable now. i have options trading and a genius mind to start a slew of business. but the purpose of my entering SMU is to fulfil a promise i made to my mom as a child, and my wanting to be the Valedictorian is to add a huge chunk of success to my credibility. i wanna prove to myself, then to the world there in Life, there is really nothing to be stressed about! many many times, its because we have done something wrong in our daily routine that causes us all the needless stress.
the two most important things i feel right now are these: teaching students the strategy of learning "HOW TO LEARN" before they are thrown all kinds of subjects, and daily motivation and time management.
if i become successful preaching these areas, then no one will ever have to say that studying is difficult and boring, and no one will say that they're too busy for their loved ones for their work, ever again.
so first, i'll have to take on the name of VALEDICTORIAN: to protect the people i love in this World from having to be ignorant about the wonderful resources that they have: the brain (esp. our learning capability, power of completion and emotional states). to protect our future by teaching the children, the students of tomorrow, the strategy to learn, so never will they say that learning is difficult, stressful and boring. learning can be so easy and fun. i don't believe that no one loves to learn about something they like.
'sides, learning is what keeps the brain tickin till old age. look at some of te active elderly.
the things i believe, value and do today will be a direct example of how my sons and daughters are going to live by. if i live by pornography, then so will my son, and i have no reason to stop him, for i couldn't do it myself. if i live by the Bible's values and a strong learning strategy, then quite possibly i can share with him my deepest beliefs and values.
the things i learnt from NLP, the things i learnt from anthony, adam, dr chiang and stuart.
and by 25, i'll strive to be a millionaire, so that i'll never have to worry about not being ablt to meet my basic needs and minimal wants. and my wife and children will never have to. they can focus on the things they truly love to do.
and one day, the kids in poverty will be able to focus on their education and future, and their mothers will need to be worrying about whether their children's homework has been done by them.
time to return to my exciting world of learning and earning tomorrow! oh er.., 0312 hrs now, hehe..
I-ke-ze!
today's been an awesome day.
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