This happened after I finished my paper 'earlier' for Biz Law. The paper was ridiculously easy but I chose not to prep much for it. Last-minute procrastination. My fault. So I was just waiting for the time to be up so I wouldnt look awkward handing up the paper early (my silly unreal, belief, which showed lack of confidence).
What you see above is like a letterhead of my paper, as in most SMU papers, except in B&W. While I was reflecting on a certain regret and promising myself not do do this pathetic preparation for it again, seeing something struck me like a lightning bolt.
It was the word in the logo,
"UNIVERSITY"
I've seen it a thousands times before in my life, since a child, and before this, in the website, in pamphlets, giant ads in the paper and in the letters sent to me.
However, the fact that it appeared in B&W, simple in bold ink and laid out in all traditional exam papers. A child in me spoke out which pierced my heart.
"I've finally gone to a University! Finally finally finally! After so long! Mummy must be really proud of me!!" The kid seemed to have shouted somewhere in my heart, his voice deep and profound it impaled my body and shook my emotional system like an earthquake. Then it quieted down to a peaceful state.
I think he's ten to twelve years old, when he realized that the next ten years he was going to study was to get into some place called University of Singapore or something. I remember he thought the big place of Singapore Polytechnic was NUS. I laughed.
However, the fact that it appeared in B&W, simple in bold ink and laid out in all traditional exam papers. A child in me spoke out which pierced my heart.
"FINALLY"
"I've finally gone to a University! Finally finally finally! After so long! Mummy must be really proud of me!!" The kid seemed to have shouted somewhere in my heart, his voice deep and profound it impaled my body and shook my emotional system like an earthquake. Then it quieted down to a peaceful state.
I think he's ten to twelve years old, when he realized that the next ten years he was going to study was to get into some place called University of Singapore or something. I remember he thought the big place of Singapore Polytechnic was NUS. I laughed.
I realized that I've been taking things for granted expecting things to happen by itself to accommodate me. My acceptance to NUS, NTU and SMU. My prestigious scholarship. My mom, dad, grandparents and the Lord have been guiding me to this day. To this day. The hardships I've suffered led me to this day. I was too absorbed in wanting to go to the US to study that I've chided my purpose, my raison d'etre, in coming to the U. I've even chided the places I've always wanted to go to after my primary-sec studies: NUS.
[Side thought: Its not wrong that I want to go to the US to study, their open, friendly culture and all, because I've been so turned off by S'pore's: muggers, workaholics with the mediocre goal of surviving on their paychecks and seemingly content to let work take over their lives. Students and professionals alike. However, I've totally forgotten about why I wanted to enter the U in the first place.]
Its not about getting a job. Or a good job. My diploma has guaranteed that (C.O.M. ok?! haha). Its not about boosting my resume or securing the first job or whatever. Its not even about survival, cos' again my diploma has given that to me. I appreciate the fact that its an insurance for a good job, especially if its from SMU, and I do feel the security thinking about the degree paper. But that thought doesnt motivate me to study, Neither does any of the objectives above. In fact it probably stresses me and throws me off my focus and wanting to escape into pleasures like gaming and sleeping.
So why did I strive to enter the U in my pri-sec-poly days?
[Side thought: Its not wrong that I want to go to the US to study, their open, friendly culture and all, because I've been so turned off by S'pore's: muggers, workaholics with the mediocre goal of surviving on their paychecks and seemingly content to let work take over their lives. Students and professionals alike. However, I've totally forgotten about why I wanted to enter the U in the first place.]
Its not about getting a job. Or a good job. My diploma has guaranteed that (C.O.M. ok?! haha). Its not about boosting my resume or securing the first job or whatever. Its not even about survival, cos' again my diploma has given that to me. I appreciate the fact that its an insurance for a good job, especially if its from SMU, and I do feel the security thinking about the degree paper. But that thought doesnt motivate me to study, Neither does any of the objectives above. In fact it probably stresses me and throws me off my focus and wanting to escape into pleasures like gaming and sleeping.
So why did I strive to enter the U in my pri-sec-poly days?
To fulfil my 10 year old childhood dream since I was 12.
To fulfil my promise to my mom's life work of bringing me up.
To fulfil my promise to my mom's life work of bringing me up.
Now that I've fulfiled my childhood and my mom's dream for me of entering the U, what's next?
After much contemplation, the most exciting goal I'm passionate about:
After much contemplation, the most exciting goal I'm passionate about:
To be at the top of the 1% of students in SMU when I graduate in 2010.
The Valedictorian.
The Valedictorian.
Who shall I promise this to? To make that stronger commitment not only to myself but to the people I love, respect, admire, and think alike.
Adam Khoo, my role model
Stuart Tan, my public speaking teacher
Whoosh 19 & my SBGs, friends who believe they can
Johna, a household name in the phtography market one day
Vivian, my friend, my pillar of strength in this Life
My mother in heaven, watching me
Jesus & Mary, my everyday source of strength & Life
Stuart Tan, my public speaking teacher
Whoosh 19 & my SBGs, friends who believe they can
Johna, a household name in the phtography market one day
Vivian, my friend, my pillar of strength in this Life
My mother in heaven, watching me
Jesus & Mary, my everyday source of strength & Life
I-ke-ze!
Hi Lenz
ReplyDeleteBring it on!
Yeah! You made the commitment and Whoosh 19 is going to kick your a**
All the way to the top =)
JY Chia
Hey bro, what ya said truely creates a certain conviction into ya actions. All the best for ya, as ya continue to build on ya strengths. I am truely happy fer ya that ya have re-discovered yaself. Indeed small disappointments is uncomparable to what lies beyond. YOU HAVE TO CREATE A GOAL INORDER TO GO AFTER IT!! otherwise what is the point of doing sth when ya have nothing at the end of it all? Okay ya might think that it is a thought of the capatalist.. but hey arent we in a capatilist world? Ya and I? HAA DRIVE YASELF TO VICTORY!!! Cheers and all the way... ALL THE WAY...
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